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myukgal*wanna see sunrise....* September 29 happened in a dreamas i walked out on the street and joined the sea of people in the city. they were all dressed in nice crisp suits, carrying shiny suitcases. for a moment, i thought to myself: these must be the most successful group of people, top rank managers, top rank salaries, top rank living standards. their footsteps ascending the staircase to the tallest building in the city, all so definite, so convicted. their posture straight up, head high up, so proud. then i looked at their faces - blank.
as i walked out on the street and joined the sea of people in the city. i found myself being drawn to that stream of people. i strolled alongside this big guy, two, three steps and my feet was brought to a stop. i slowly found myself standing right in the middle of that stream of people - alone. the people still kept moving along. their footsteps neither quickened nor slowed down. they just kept moving and moving, undisturbed.
and i closed my eyes and saw myself walking towards the crossroad. i took the seat right at its heart. the place suddenly became empty.the crowd seemed to have vanished into thin air like magic. i sat there, quietly for a period which felt like century. my eyes shut. to my surprise, i saw a lady. like she could feel i was staring at her, she turned around. a sad smile on her face. her eyes looked straight into mine, piercing, yet they seemed so far away.
for a moment, it seemed as though our mind connected. and i started talking to her without moving my lips. i asked her what seemed to be the most aching question in my heart. she smiled and looked away to the distance. and from the skyline, i saw images of my friends in various parts of the world. all smiling happily. their pretty faces against foreign background. i saw spring, summer, winter, fall. its beauty lighted up the place, warmed my heart.
then the images faded away and i saw a little girl. the eager look on her face. i saw life in her eyes, her smile, her being. it seemed to have been radiated out from her, into her surrounding. a sense of familiarity aroused inside me -simple and unexplainable.
i fell into silence. i saw her smile at me again then her body faded away. my hands seemed to have reached out at that moment, trying to get hold of her. but she seemed too, have vanished into thin air. i sat there all alone again.
i opened my eyes and saw the big guy next to me. i smiled at him - not bothered by whether he would smile back. and i walked on. September 06 a beautified confession of the CAC VP eventsCAC 16th AGM is just over a couple of hours ago. and though i know its not the start of retirement yet, i'm contented with this good feeling inside me. and so this entry after months of laying domaint shall be specially dedicated to my AGM report, one that i spent days and nights thinking, procastinating, writing, rewriting. this is for all the people out there who i can never thank enough.
"If there is one word I would like to change in the term Vice-President (Events Management), I would replace “Events” with “People”. For people are the ones who make events happened. For not through the events but the people that I led, I have learned.
The most important lesson I have learned, I want to borrow the words from Jeff, President of CAC 14th Executive Committee, is the value of humility, that a leader does not have power until the people he leads gives him power by placing their belief and trust in him. A leader has to be able to roll up his sleeves to do the dirty work together with his people to win their belief and trust, but when the need arises, he has to rise above all to make the judgment call.
And for these people, I would want to say a word of thank.
To Mr Soon Min Yam, Director of Alumni Affairs Office, also Advisor to CAC, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for you told us to look back at our objectives if we were to ever be in doubt and that, though you might have forgotten, stayed with me throughout this one year and never failed to help me in guiding my people.
To Professor Er Meng Hwa, Mr Anthony Teo, I thank you for your support through this year. Your presence at our events meant more than just honor.
To Professor Lok Tat Seng, I thank you for the inspiration. Your charisma has never failed to make the job of ushering so much more enjoyable.
To Mrs Seah Wai Choo, Mdm Wendy Gwee, Ms Meg Tan, I thank you for your guidance throughout the year, without which I would not have learnt and been able to carry out my duties successfully.
To all staff of Student Affairs Office, Alumni Affairs Office and Corporation Communication Office, I thank you for your support and for tolerating with all the problems that we have troubled you.
To all 21 Member Clubs of CAC, I thank you on behalf of the event committees, for your unwavering support in term of participations and suggestions throughout this year. I always hope that we could have done more and better strengthened the ties between member clubs and special projects. Nevertheless, I believe the next committees will do their very best to make this happen and in time to come, this tie will get stronger and stronger.
To all my special projects main and sub-committees, I thank you for all the time and efforts that you have put in to make every event a success. I have once said events organizing is not about recognition or glory, it is about many late night meetings, sleepless nights preparing for events, deadlines, hard work, sweat and stress. I believe each and every one of you has worked very hard and I hope you have learnt and found the sense of achievement and fulfillment in the result that you sown.
To my vice-chairperons, Shiang Jing, Song Teck, Jean, Jeremy, Jin Hui, Jingyun, Jun Yuan, Gincent, “thank you” is never enough to express my gratitude towards each of you, not for your time and effort, but for you have shared the joy and tears with NAF, AFTH, Impresario and FOC. Thank you!
To 16th Executive Committee, I wish I could have done a better job in leading and grooming you, capable leaders. I thank you for your commitment, cooperation and understanding, and I truly wish, from the bottom of my heart, that our friendship would stay beyond this term of office.
To my ex-officios and Zhang Ji, thank you for all the help that you have given to me throughout this year.
To my special project directors, Lifang, Rosa, Chris, and Justin, good job! If you have ever had a slightest thought that you could have done better if, then do not be. As CAC and her projects, like I said many times, is an entity that will still be around maybe in different forms and shapes, many many years later even after we left. And I strongly believe that each of you has left a footprint in her life. I salute you.
To 17th Executive Committee, I leave you with three words, which are also my JC motto: Passion, Purpose and Drive. For purpose gives you direction, drive gives you enormous strength and passion, above all, gives you the key to lead CAC to greater heights.
And at last, to CAC, thank you for the wonderful journey for the past two years. May you have many good years ahead and this is not good-bye."
and an addition:
To my dearest 15th Executive Committee, thank you for your concern and support throughout the year. To Ying Yong, you are the sweatest super-subcom. To Ken, thanks for the encouragement and the many good inputs and suggestion.To Irwin, thanks for being there and offering me a listening ear when I'm at my low points. PnP rox. To Lawrence, thank you :) Lastly and most belovedly, to Hoi Ning, thank you for being there, just a phone call away.It is you who have taught me so much, supported me so much and I respect so much. Thank you.
June 05 updateits probly been some donkey years since i last posted so for the benefits of those who care (i'm indeed gratefull to you) and thanks to shiang jing (who is in vietnam right now) for inspiring me with my champion records - i shall blog it :)
so my PA has gone into her fourth week. things seem to be at its first optimum (or you can call stagnant) stage. but well, thats not really the point for this post. here i'm gonna tell ya why am i such a champion
my PA is with maybank at AMK. if ya know the mrt-graphy of singapore, you would know that its all the way up there in north, and me - right here at the furthest point you find possible (maybe a little exaggerating here but watever ^^) in the west. and so it takes me 1.5 hr to get to work everyday and of course the same amount of time to get back + a total of $6 transportation cost EACH day.
well, first two days i was of course energetic and happy so i woke up early and got to work pretty dressed up and early :) the next three days, started with me having really bad cough and sore throat, i woke up late every single time without hope. wednesday was totally hopeless so i got on a cab and when i reached MB, there went my pretty 20 bucks. so the next two days, i die-hard took normal transport and got there late by 5 and 4 mins.
so what a brilliant idea i got for john to help me tap my attendance card every morning. so there go all the worries for being late :)
but well, one shouldnt be late everyday right? (such a good intern i am :p) so i came up with another brilliant idea of having mr brother giving me wake up call every morning all the way from the US. well, since its 6.30pm at his time when its 6.30am here in singapore, its not such a bad thing for him anyway. *at this point, i think i'm really kinda spoilt. then mom came in and offered to give me a second wake up call in the morning from vietnam then well yes, i'm sucha kinda... pampered *grinz*
so working on PA life has circulated over this few activities.
my day = morning call/wake up + go to work/join in the already overpopulated sg rat race + get back + dinner + bathe + sleep + lets repeat that cycle again yah? my week = monday - energized + tuesday - well, its alright + wednesday - why the week is so long + thursday - is weekend here yet? + friday - gosh, i'm hibernating + saturday - i needa recharge + sunday - let there be more sundays :S
the pessimist talks - why did we spend almost 2 decades to study - just to get a degree - just to get a job - just to end up ourselves in that viscious cycle. *arent we wise???
the opstimist take - nah, its just 10 weeks. as for working life, well, lets figure it out later :p
caution: well, some parts of those are just pure for laugh. if you dont laugh, its alright. just dont feel depressed ya? cuz i wont so why should ya.
some other deeper in thought update...
i've not been actively replying sms, msn, emails, even picking calls. i dont go out for dinner with yah. i dont meet up. i dont talk as much though you know i'm talkative. to put it plainly, i've been anti-social. i do read all those messages, emails. i see those calls turning into missed calls. i think of having dinners. i plan to meet up. i talk to you in my own world. you can say i'm weird and selfish. (ooo thats harsh). not asking for any understanding or making any excuses. just wanna let you know i'm in lost of me-self. i didnt do those things not because i didnt want to or i didnt feel like to. i just didnt do it. just simply so. (the simplest might just be the trickest :p)
well, work has been alrighty tiring but thanks to john, tak, ivan, mr small chan, nanthini, and jas - at least i could smile. and eat chocolates :) April 26 Why do men die first
* i got this post from suhu - who claimed he's getting cuter and cuter (out of point) - and i think its really good - at least i made me laugh and cant resist posting it on my blog at the wee hour where i should continue study or go to sleep to prepare for my big huge GENERAL ELECTIVE AA201 paper tml morning 9am*
Why do men die first?
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries. But, now we know. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy. If you work too hard, there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.  If you get a promotion ahead of her,that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, re a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If SHE asks you, it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob. If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious. If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else. Men die first, because they want to. April 11 what makes the heart go fonderwhen i was smaller, i never opened a can drink or a bottle myself cuz i was scared of the sudden pop sound it made. even now when i could do it, it always makes my heart feel fonder when someone offers to open the drink. some said i was spoilt.
there is one more thing i could never do myself since young, to now and probly till much much older. that is lighting a match or starting a lighter. that sudden "appearance" of fire always gives me a startle so much so that i would drop the lighter even before attempting to start it. so it has always been my best friends who lighted my birthday candle for the past tweenty odd years. and i'm always gratefull.
it seems like sudden-ness in whichever forms possible could scare me.
when i was 19, my granduncle who used to be a doctor working on ships diagnosed that i had a small heart which has to beat faster than normal just to meet up with the normal speed of my blood regulation and that was why i suffer from an illness called: nervousness.
i'm easily thrilled, excited, emotional and little things can make my heart go fonder.
recently, my heart seems to beat faster in more instances, not only just sudden-ness but also anxiety. its bearable but the intensity seems to increase. it starts to make me worried as i know its not a matter of the heart in figurative mearning.
will anything happen?
i wish i could be happier. cuz happiness simply chases away all nervousness.
i'm learning to be gratefull.
i'm missing the happy little girl in me.
and i definitely wanna see sunrise. |
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